There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?