Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.