Let's celebrate that I used a condom
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
More tranny stories later!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person