sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere