He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
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Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
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omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times