if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually