HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere