The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We're using joints as your birthday candles