well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.