The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato