I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.