I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times