the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
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Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
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I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.