the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...