New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.