this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
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I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
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the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.