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i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
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