I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
More tranny stories later!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?