The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.