She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?