Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day