so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.