Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.