My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.