Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.