Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.