As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.