Texts From Last Night

Worst Nights of All Time

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  (850): View more from Florida

  My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco

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  (850): My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco http://tfl.nu/szsc
  Replies (5) Good night (1308) Bad night (336) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..

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  (615): Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away.. http://tfl.nu/yxrc
  Replies (3) Good night (642) Bad night (336) Order T-Shirt
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?

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  (250): He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me? http://tfl.nu/sqfj
  Replies (3) Good night (847) Bad night (336)
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM

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  (787): Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM http://tfl.nu/4phi
  Replies (17) Good night (1386) Bad night (336) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm two sheets to the sexual wind

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  (859): I'm two sheets to the sexual wind http://tfl.nu/hwsp
  Replies (6) Good night (937) Bad night (336) Order T-Shirt
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.

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  (515): Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women. http://tfl.nu/axeg
  Replies (7) Good night (801) Bad night (336) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?

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  (615): I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there? http://tfl.nu/ykvu
  Replies (4) Good night (1124) Bad night (336) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.

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  (845): It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons. http://tfl.nu/somr
  Replies (3) Good night (376) Bad night (336) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet

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  (518): Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet http://tfl.nu/g9l7
  Replies (4) Good night (722) Bad night (336) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants

  (812): View more from Indiana

  That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.

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  (317): You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants (812): That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub. http://tfl.nu/6wmx
  Replies (2) Good night (1012) Bad night (336)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.

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  (252): Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment. http://tfl.nu/wwwj
  Replies (5) Good night (931) Bad night (336)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.

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  (321): Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever. http://tfl.nu/zuk0
  Replies (12) Good night (2497) Bad night (336)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex

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  (270): Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex http://tfl.nu/j5jn
  Replies (5) Good night (1560) Bad night (336) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.

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  (248): Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it. http://tfl.nu/f0ca
  Replies (1) Good night (792) Bad night (336) Order T-Shirt
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.

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  (316): She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool. http://tfl.nu/dtry
  Replies (2) Good night (610) Bad night (335) Order T-Shirt