Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
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Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
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There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?