We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.