i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
