shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?