Texts From Last Night

Worst Nights of All Time

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  (805): View more from California

  Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?

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  (805): Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later? http://tfl.nu/nvl3
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him

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  (314): I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him http://tfl.nu/o7zk
  Replies (3) Good night (925) Bad night (339) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.

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  (570): I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended. http://tfl.nu/azds
  Replies (1) Good night (746) Bad night (339) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.

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  (402): Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains. http://tfl.nu/xruv
  Replies (8) Good night (1239) Bad night (339) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"

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  (512): Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!" http://tfl.nu/rhjr
  Replies (1) Good night (685) Bad night (339) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"

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  (616): We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!" http://tfl.nu/th1o
  Replies (12) Good night (1759) Bad night (339) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...

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  (732): it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits... http://tfl.nu/8y9r
  Replies (8) Good night (1152) Bad night (339) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.

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  (303): I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high. http://tfl.nu/hr24
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  (619): View more from California

  THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS

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  (619): THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS http://tfl.nu/bchm
  Replies (11) Good night (1370) Bad night (339) Order T-Shirt
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.

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  (804): Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me. http://tfl.nu/bct9
  Replies (4) Good night (1100) Bad night (339) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒

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  (540): Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒 http://tfl.nu/mpql
  Replies (4) Good night (712) Bad night (339) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.

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  (651): I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex. http://tfl.nu/qzkm
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  (845): View more from New York

  I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30

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  (845): I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30 http://tfl.nu/ce0m
  Replies (1) Good night (742) Bad night (339) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.

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  (757): Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party. http://tfl.nu/ny5q
  Replies (5) Good night (1488) Bad night (339) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.

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  (412): I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever. http://tfl.nu/25nu
  Replies (6) Good night (1705) Bad night (339) Order T-Shirt