She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.