i was rollin on her like bob the builder
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday