Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it