I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
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Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
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At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?