Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
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We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
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she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.