Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'