If that was your dad, he is hot
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.