If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?