Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!