I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.