We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.