can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.