I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high