Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur