We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....