We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
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Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
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His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.