Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
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He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
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DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants