This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job