bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.