i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat