girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
