you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline