My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...