So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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