another moral hangover. fuck.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
