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I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
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