I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
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Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
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I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.