We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
