Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.