First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?