So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm fucking your sister right now.