Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
