I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.