I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.