I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
