I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs