he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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