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I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
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