Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
