He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
someone owes me an orgasm
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.