You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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