I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.