Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
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So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
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there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.