Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
