i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
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Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am