i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.