butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
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Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar