if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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