hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.