Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?