Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2