She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you