It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
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id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
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There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins