the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
