you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
be there in ten.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!