WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
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I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
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its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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