I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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