you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
