They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.