so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
