Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Deaf chicks here I come
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.